I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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