Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
