guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
