i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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