So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
