Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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