just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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