possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
