GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
