I have demons in me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
