Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
