he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
