Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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