Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
