She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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