I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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