a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
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