Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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