Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
