I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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