I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
