at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
