I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
