I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
