guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
