so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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