So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
