her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
