U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
