he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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