so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
