I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
