i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
