Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
