This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
