the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
