I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am one with the molecules
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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