Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
