I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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