70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
