So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
