both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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