We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
