just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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