Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
