Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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