Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
