I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
