I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
