well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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