I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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